so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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