mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
