U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
