a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
