my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
