How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
