my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
