There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
