I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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