Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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