You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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