I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
