she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
