I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
