She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
