i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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