dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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