hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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