Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
