I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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