Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
