I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
