Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
