Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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