He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
