yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
