just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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