I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
