You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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