My room smells like vodka and shame
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
