The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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