I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
