Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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