We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
