I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
