i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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