No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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