Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
