i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
