Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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