I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
