he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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