can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
