It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
