and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
