Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
