The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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