The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
