Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
