My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
