You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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