Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
