dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it glows. i had to have it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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