Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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