I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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